its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
