found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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