I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
