What did we do last night that was yellow?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
