True but thats because hes a fetus.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
