life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
