She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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