I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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