I wish i was in the wii world.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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