I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Sorry about my life...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
