the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
