You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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