Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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