I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
