you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
