First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
