I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
