Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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