Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
this is an emotional support booty call
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
