He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
