I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
