The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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