I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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