Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
