My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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