I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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