My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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