Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
