Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
