I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
