My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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