I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
