My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
