I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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