there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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