Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
