I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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