just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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