No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
