So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
