I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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