just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
