I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
