oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
