I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
