No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
