put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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