Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
