My nipple is on Facebook.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
