Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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