I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
