So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
