Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
