Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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