What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
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Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
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They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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