and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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