everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
