you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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