I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
