Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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