Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
