So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
