omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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