You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
