): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I need water and some morals
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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